For those of you who are challenged in the kitchen, I have decided to post a little tutorial on the method of spreading mayonaise.

Step 1 -  Buy a jar of mayonaise.  This selection is very important, as it's best to avoid purchasing the stuff on the bottom shelf that calls itself "Mayonaise flavored sandwich spread."  This is a long way of saying that it's made of mineral oil, and inorganic methane.

Step 2 - Open the jar.  For those of you who would like a tutorial on this step, there is an excellent Spongebob episode that would be very helpful.  It's the one where Patrick is jealous of all of Spongebob's awards, and wants to be just like him...so he follows him to work.  

In freakin' Dick Cheney's backyard!  That's where I would drill!  Who's with me?

Although, now that I think about it, getting the derrick into the Naval Observatory will be a bit tricky, and there's a swimming pool in the way, but we can work with that.  They drill in deeper water than that all the time, don't they?  And they can start at the shallow end, if they're not feeling adventurous.